The Selfishness of Parenthood

By Allan Saxe, WBAP Political Analyst

Some people just aren't fit to be parents!

Adoption, on the other hand, is a most altruistic and selfless act. The act of adopting a child is to reach out to a stranger, born to another, and bring a new human into the family. It is an act perhaps unparalleled in generosity.

However, to bring a child into the world and then cry out depression, stress, economic hardship and a host of other disabilities is indeed very selfish. Yet, that is what I have been hearing from mothers mostly calling into a variety of media outlets bearing their souls. "I too suffered from depression after having my child. I, too, had thoughts of hurting my baby, abandoning it, ..." But then, thank goodness, the mother says that she sought help and recovered and is glad to be free from the depression or whatever. The audience applauds, the talk-host then moves onto another mother survivor.

Good gracious. Where is responsibility? Hardly ever do I hear conversations about the welfare of the newborn. It is always centered on the "poor" mother who is all stressed out. What do people think having a baby is? Do we believe it to be lots of fun, like purchasing a new automobile! Drive away with a new car, proud new owners. It seems as though many spend more time and effort selecting a new automobile than contemplating what it means to bring new life into this world.

Bringing new life into this world is the single greatest, most important decision of a lifetime. It is more important than what profession or job to seek. It is more important than where to live or what home to purchase. It is more important than everything else we do. And many are much too casual about this high and momentous decision. Couples with possible genetic defects that could result in a lifetime of pain and suffering for a newborn are so self-absorbed that they ignore science and statistics and have a child. Too bad it will suffer! We wanted a child!

Whenever I get into discussions about the subject of bringing new life into this world my opponents often reply, "But having a child was the best thing I have ever done." Again, regard the selfishness. The best thing I have ever done. Do couples ever contemplate what it may mean for a lifetime? Not only for them, but also for their child?

Throughout history children have been born to give a nation glory. Nations often desire bigger populations to field larger armies. In the old Soviet Union, mothers who had large numbers of children were given medals depicting them as "Women of Valor." The Soviet Union had to fill the depleted ranks for their armies. Even now in some parts of the world I have seen women on TV crying and moaning after the deaths of sons in battle and vowing to give birth to more to fight and die for "some cause." What a calamity!

Social scientists tell their classes how in developing countries multiple children are brought into the world as old-age insurance. Not out of love, but for security. Perhaps in a developing country this can be forgiven, but the same idea only slightly modified exists here as well.

Here in this great-developed country we need the state to step in to some families and rescue children. Think what that implies. That so many are not capable or willing to rear their children correctly. Domestic violence and child abuse is unfortunately an all too common occurrence. Why bring a child into a violent and unhealthy atmosphere? Yet, we do! We believe the child will fulfill our dreams. The child will ensure our immortality. The child will make us great.

We need as a society to rethink our reasons for having a child. And no, I am not in favor of abortion. I am in favor of using our brains, our thinking processes, for the most important thing any of us can do. It is a great power we all possess. Too bad it is not used wisely.

Enough talk of post-child birth depression and psychosis. Enough talk of stress. We can make choices. And the choice of bringing a child into this world is all too frivolous for so many.

I do agree with what you are saying. I quit work, stayed home for 10 years with my 3 children, and now have been back in the workplace for 5 years teaching. Yes there were rough days being a Mom, but I loved it. I never really experienced all that post-partum depression stuff. I was too busy taking my kids to the parks, reading to them, taking them to the libraries, etc. etc. etc.

Your article should hit a nerve that no one seems to want to talk about. It is a sacrifice, a death to self so to speak that you do for your children. It doesn't last a long time, but I have 3 great kids who were well worth every minute of time that I focused on them during their growing up years.

Mary Eickman
Garland

Amen to that!! I have often thought, "You need a license to drive, to hunt, to fish, to vote, but not to bring a life into this world!"

Rebecca Fenley
Fort Worth

I want to thank you for expressing what my mother and I have been saying all along. There is no excuse for killing five children or locking your child up in a closet. I don't care how bad off you are- I have a 13 year old and love her to pieces. There is no way I would hurt her - in fact I'd hurt myself first. My husband and I talked about children before we got married and made the decision to have two - God willing. We were blessed with only one but we brought her into this world to love and nurture, not to take care of us when we get old. My mother comes from a family with seven kids that grew up during the depression and if that shouldn't have given my grandmother postpartum depression after having kids I don't know what would. AND she had to raise them herself because my grandfather passed away when the youngest was about a year old. But she didn't cry about it, or take it out on the kids.

They all pitched in and the older ones helped the younger ones, grandma got work and all the kids grew up to be normal, well adjusted adults and have families of their own. And all of those kids have grown up and we have families of our own and are well-adjusted adults. We take responsibility for our actions and don't cry when things get a little hard.

As for adoption, I'd love to adopt a child however, the regulations in some agencies frown on adopting after you reach the old age of 40 or 45. This needs to be changed because with people living longer, they could raise several families in a life time and give several children the benefit of their experience and love.

Again, thank you for stating what has needed to be said all along. If people would take responsibility for their actions and not blame it on some stress or depression and work it out with help, we'd all be better of.

Sincerely
Liz Goulet

Fort Worth

I could not agree more. But having children is only the tip of the iceberg.

There are so many things that people don't think about, its a wonder our society can function at all. Supposedly intelligent people, technologically competent people, doing mind-numbingly stupid things.

Forwarding emails that are obviously a hoax (and multiple times, even when told that its a fake!), holding opinions that are not only half-baked, but self-contradictory, inability to read and follow simple instructions, voting for political candidates because "they like the way they look" or "He just feels honest"!

Its not that these people are dumb, its just that they don't use their perfectly good brains as often as they should. You'd think carefully considering an opinion or action was some horribly difficult task. The fact of the matter is we have become such a self-centered, consumer-centric society, that critical thinking has become unfashionable, except when doing comparison shopping!

Kenneth E Schaefer

Garland